Devi turned the lock with her key to open their flat door. Tiredly rubbing her neck, she walked in and dropped her key ring in the bowl kept on the console near the front door. “Devi, is that you?” She heard her mother ask from her room.  “Yes, be with you in a minute,” Devi shouted as she kept her lunch bag on the dining table. She went to her room to freshen up, discarding her stole and handbag on the way. Washing her hands clean in her washroom; she rubbed off the grime and dust that came as a package deal, given the profession she was in. She was a practicing architect with a leading architectural firm in the city and had to do a lot of site visits during the day. Throwing cold water on her face, she wiped it clean and looked into the mirror hanging over the washbasin.  An oval shaped face, big luminous eyes, straight nose, and a rosebud mouth stared back at her, framed by stray strands of hair loosened from her bun. She had inherited her looks from her mother, Rani. Rani, who had been a beauty in her heydays and could still give the younger generation a run for their money. She hurried out to greet her mother.  “How was your day, mom? How was the school lunch? Did you go shopping after that like I told you to? Hope you got something for yourself?” “Oh, yes, had a great day, Devi. Lunch was hectic but fun. The restaurant was good, we should go there one weekend,” her mom replied. “Mom, did you buy anything for yourself? Some bag, clothes, shoes? “Devi asked again. “No, Devi, I didn’t shop. Came home after lunch. Had to finish some school work. I don’t understand why you want me to spend money. I don’t need new bags and I have a cupboard full of clothes. As it is, you keep buying me so many things. Infact, why don’t we go shopping for you someday? God knows, it’s been so long since you have had time to indulge yourself!” Devi sighed exasperatedly; but was half expecting it too. Typical of her mom, denying herself any indulgences. She wanted to buy the world for her mother. Today she was an architect only because of her mother’s sacrifice and determination to ensure that she escapes the cesspool that she, Rani had found herself in. On an impulse, she went and hugged her mother. Rani looked at her askance.  “Though always welcome, what’s brought this on?” she smiled mischievously. “Nothing, mom.... just that every day I feel blessed to have you as my mother. When I think of what all you have done for me.....the endless days of long hours you put in as a teacher to ensure we have food on the table ; your determination  that I do not get sucked in the life that you had got sucked in; your willpower to walk away from a steady source of income; your perseverance to continue in spite of so many setbacks you encountered whilst I was growing up....oh ! and so many more !! I have seen everything, Mom. I was never immune to the difficult times you faced but braved through it all for my sake ....it was not easy Mom, I know! God only knows where you got your strength from.... especially after destiny dealt you such a tough hand !....oh ! I can go on and on....  Rani cut in, “Enough of thanksgiving, Devi...you make me sound like a wonder-woman! I only did what any mother would do for her child, wait till you become a mother,” she added, twinkling up at Devi. “Come on, let’s have dinner, it’s getting late!” she said, getting up from her armchair, “You must be hungry after a long day!”   Rani led the way to the dining table where, Maya their live-in house help had set the table with the tableware and piping hot food. They ate in compatible silence.  Rani looked at Devi, proud to see that Devi had validated the trust she had placed in her. Yes, no doubt the first step towards a better future had been hers but Devi too had not disappointed her and had proved that she had what it takes to carve her own path. After dinner, as was their norm, they retired to the drawing room for some ‘us’ time. Devi opened her laptop, to go through her drawings and the clients scheduled for the next day. Rani was feeling restless, unable to understand why. Was it because, Devi had inadvertently opened the Pandora’s box of days gone by; the adversity she had faced after Vinay’s death; the pain, the misery of continuing life without him? ***  Growing up, her working class parents had earned enough to make a decent living. Ramesh her father, a supervisor in a garment factory and Vimla her mother, an assistant in a neighbouring tailor shop, worked the whole day and came home to their three children. She and her two younger brothers, Ajay and Sanjay were enrolled in the government school nearby. Evenings were spent in house work and assisting her mother in preparing the meals and doing sundry other jobs. The boys too helped and it was a happy family who retired at night. With her mother’s shrill voice ringing in her ears, “Rani, fill the water”, “Rani, peel the vegetables,” “Rani, soak the rice”, the day was over in a blink and then it was ‘me’ time—a concept alien to her at that time— a time for herself, her homework and preparation for the next day. She enjoyed school and liked studying. Peaceful silence prevailed over their shanty at nights and Rani floated in her world of dreams. Of which she had many. Sometimes the bagged the ‘Miss India’ title, sometimes she was a much in demand doctor at a speciality hospital, sometimes she was a scientist working at NASA, but usually a flight of fancy not too high. Just enough to see her family comfortable and not wanting for anything. But then, don’t they say that “Life happens when you are busy making another plan?” In her tenth standard, Rani fell in love. Vinay was a new admission and his family had rented a place a few houses down the lane. His mother, Manda, was from her mother’s village and both the families soon became good friends. Vinay was an ordinary, tall lanky teenager, with nothing special about him; just his dreams and his talks. Rani liked him on sight and they walked to school and back together every day.  Vinay was different from the boys his age. He was driven and focussed. She liked his solemn demeanour and was enthralled by his knowledge. He was well read and kept himself abreast of all the latest happenings in the world. The walk to and from school became the highlight of her day. She started finding excuses to keep him longer with her, sometimes offering him food, some other times presenting a problem which needed his expert advice. His earnest attempt to solve her trivial issues charmed her. She loved the way his forehead furrowed in deep lines when he was thinking and the way he chewed his lower lip when he was preoccupied. Though not a nerd, he wasn’t into sports either, he preferred reading. She had sometimes spied him writing too, in a notebook which he carried always with him. Intrigued she had asked him about it, and had been rewarded with a lopsided smile and twinkling eyes. “All in a good time’, had been his cryptic answer. Wisely, she did not pursue and held her patience. He stood out amongst her peers like a strawberry in the bowl of peas. Soon, they became inseparable. Talking to him was invigorating and she loved their exchange and banter. One day on their way back home, he asked her, “What do you want to do be you grow up?”  “Oh, too many things” she smiled. He gave her a grave look, “No, you must decide on one thing, and work towards it”. “Is it? What do you want to be when you are an adult?” “Me? I want to be an architect.”, he answered. “An architect…?” “Oh, yes, I am fascinated by these huge modern buildings, and I want to be a part of making them happen, in any way I can,” Vinay enthused. “I am going to follow my dream, whatever it takes. I am going to take drafting classes in this summer break.” She was captivated by his vision, his determination to succeed in life and his Arjun like eye on his goal. She realised that she was falling more and more in love with every day. He was a man driven by ambition and she liked that. Their families too gave them knowing looks and were indulgent of the growing friendship between them. A few months later his parents had gone overnight to visit his ailing grandmother in her village and he was alone in his house. Exams were approaching and he wanted to study. Rani’s mother sent her over with dinner for him. Drawn towards each other and finding themselves alone for the first time, they were overcome by a physical need to touch and explore. They kissed and tentatively brushed their fingers on each other’s faces. The inevitable happened and throwing caution to the winds, they found themselves on a path of no return. The next day they couldn’t wait to be alone with each other. They found nooks and crannies in the neighbourhood where they could spend few hours undisturbed. Nobody in their families doubted anything as they were used to see them disappear while studying or doing odd jobs together. Life was a bed of roses, with their dreams starring in their eyes, their plans for a future together, so she was absolutely unprepared for what happened next. Vinay was running an errand for his mother one evening when a speeding truck hit his cycle from behind; he somersaulted high in the air and crash landed on the sewage nullah lining the road. His neck broke and he died instantly. His family was devastated. He was the only son. She was grief ridden and withdrew into herself. She dropped out of college and in spite of many entreaties from her parents, refused to study further. *** Feeling a movement beside her, she retreated from her past. Devi was rubbing her eyes tiredly and stifling a yawn.  “Let’s call it a night, mom. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day too. How I am longing for a break, though that doesn’t seem possible in the near future at least,” Devi grumbled. “Hard work doesn’t kill anybody, though I agree that a short break will do you good. Try to keep your schedule light the next month and we can go visit your grandparents, if you want.” Mumbling, “Let’s see, Maate*”, Devi picked up her laptop and went to her room, closing the door after her. Rani slouched back on the couch, her mind still in a whirl. Yes, today, twenty-seven years later, the picture was completely different, but things had not been smooth after Vinay’s passing. She had found out about her pregnancy soon after his death and was adamant on giving birth to his child. She knew she could not burden her parents with more mouths to feed, so had started working soon after Devi was born. She stayed nearby her parents and they helped in looking after Devi when she went for work.  Becoming a bar girl had been her choice; it had seemed the best option then and most importantly, she could look after Devi. But as she became more entrenched in the grimy world, she realised that she could not bring up her daughter in that environment. She had to protect her from the wolves always on a hunt for a fresh and young face. Devi was growing up and leaving her at nights was not an advisable thing, even if her parents were alays at hand. Unbidden, her thoughts centered on the day she had finally made up her mind to quit, to take matters in hand and do something for herself and her daughter.  Her eyes fell on the iron trunk near the bed of her shanty room, which also doubled up as a side table. Walking up to it, she creaked open its rusty handle and lifted the lid. Peering in, her eyes brimmed over, as countless other times. Inside was what little memorabilia she could gather of Vinay and her life. A book, which he had gifted her on her birthday; her gift to him- a blue and white checked shirt; six movie tickets, some cards which they had given each other, his favourite pen and some odds and ends. But the most precious of all was the diary which he had carried with him. Now she knew each entry by heart; he used to write a page everyday jotting down all the things that had happened on that particular day. She had appeared in the latter part of the book, and had read and re-read many times his description of hers and their activities of the day. though a man of few words, he was an expressive writer. A smile always played on her lips reading his musings and love about her. The present was no exception.  She ruffled through the pages slowly, reading his dreams, his wants and his need to succeed in life and sat down thinking. Brushing her tears aside, she kept the diary back, closed the lid gently and stood up to embrace her daughter. With a steely resolve, she vowed to make their lives turn for better. She would achieve that, come what may. Plucking some tenacity from her beloved Vinay, she pledged to complete her education so that Devi could get all the advantages that she deserved. Looking up furtively she sent a silent thanks to Vinay for showing her the path she needed to take. She apologised to him for straying away from their dream…...She promised him that she will never again give up and will fulfil the vision of the future they had seen together.  She stood up with a determined look in her eyes, straightened her shoulders and walked out with her daughter, her head held high, never to look back! *** The tears had dried on her face by now, but she could still feel the wet patch below her eyes. She sat up and wiped her face. She got up from the couch and walked slowly towards her room. Tomorrow was a long day for her too. She was now a principal of the school she had started working in as a kindergarten teacher, years back when the school had just started and was looking for a dedicated staff. She had been lucky to get a break there, without the requisite qualifications. She had grown along with the school. Since then, she had finished her graduation, got a degree as an educator, and the school had grown from primary to secondary. Today it was a reputable CBSE recognised school till the twelfth standard. Thanks to her job, Devi had studied free and had done her school proud. She had been a brilliant student and had won many prizes and accolades. She had topped the board in her twelfth and had got admission in a top architectural school on her own merit. Rani was thankful that she had saved enough to see Devi through her five-year long course and it gave her immense satisfaction to see Devi financially independent and successful in her own right. She sat on the pouffe in front of her dressing table and mindlessly started her night routine of cleansing, toning and smoothening the night cream on her face. Rubbing her palms and forearms with the hand cream, she switched off the light and walked up to her bed. Sighing, she knew that today was going be a difficult night, what with the past creeping in— her life after Devi was born and the fight for survival. Deciding against popping a sleep gummy in her mouth—she didn’t want it to become a habit—she lay down tiredly on her bed and sighed with pleasure of lying down after a long day. Sleep eluded her, as her mind was still caught up with her squalid days back then. Tossing and turning on the bed, she willed herself to squash down those memories and eventually drifted off in an uneasy sleep. *** She stumbled to her home. It was early hours of the morning. Tired and defeated, she stifled her cry as she unlocked the door and entered her ramshackle room. Switching the light on, a depressing sight met her sleepy eyes. Kitchen sink stacked with unwashed utensils, the plates crusted over; the garbage bin overflowing with the leftovers, the kitchen platform crowded with the remnants of her morning cooking and the bed still unmade—all signs of leaving the house in a hurry to catch that all important bus which got her to her workplace on time with a few minutes to spare. She sat on the bed and flopped down horizontally, flexing and stretching her aching feet. They were throbbing as she was on her feet for most of the night, dancing to the tunes of her clients, literally. Her job as a bar girl was to entertain her clients—by dancing on popular Bollywood numbers, moving seductively in almost transparent flimsy attire, ignoring or rather dealing with some lecherous looks and moves and swallow the indignity of it all. The glamour was for the outsiders, for her and the other girls it was exhausting and back breaking work. The money was not bad but it barely lasted the month, what with the household expenditure and her profession demands. Though she did make a substantial amount in tips—she was quite in demand with the regulars — most of it was distributed equally amongst all the dancers, which left her with not much to splurge, if at all. Moreover, what really got to her was the seediness of the world she found herself in; what with the restaurant manager pimping for and exploiting those who were desperate for money, girls who came from abject poverty. Unbidden tears filled her eyes and overflowed on to the dirty sheet. Today had been a particularly bad day. It had started innocuously enough, just like any other day. She had changed into her glittering costume (orange, her favourite colour; Vinay had always said, it suited her the most, it brought out her complexion and her skin glowed). She had sat down for the garish make up which she hated, but had no choice in the matter; it was the exigency of the service! Last to be worn was the chunky garish jewellery; which bobbed and moved as she gyrated and undulated on the dance floor and attracted more eyeballs towards her. The lecherous eyes following her every move had sworn her off jewellery-chunky or otherwise-for ever. The bar opened at the appointed time and the regulars trickled in. The waiters appeared as if by magic to take their orders and lure them for more. The manager kept a sharp eye and signalled the waiters to go with a refill to the occupied tables as soon as the glass was nearing the bottom. The usual evening with its usual activity…. Rani and her colleagues were all lined up backstage, glittering like Christmas trees and waiting for the music to start. The drumbeat was their signal to enter and they entered enmasse and took their positions their eyes searching for their own regulars. Each girl had her own favourite customer, who showered her with money which went to the bar pickings but were surreptitiously given a little extra too, hidden from the eagle-eyed manager. She spied her regular sitting at his usual place, from where he had a clear view of her. He had eyes only for her followed her every move. She acknowledged him with a slight smile and started her performance. Things were progressing smoothly, low chatter at some tables, clinking of ice cubes, crunchy small bites being eaten and drinks being refilled. The waiters moved silently and smoothly in between the tables so as not to distract attention from the main proceedings of the evening, which were the girls moving sensuously to the current Bollywood songs. She was immodest enough to admit to herself that she was by far the best looking of the lot, and her if regulars were anything to go by, she knew she was the golden goose for the bar. Though she was under no illusion about either the owner or the manager admitting to this fact, she expected them to look after her safety and shield her from lecherous customers. A little help, a little protection if you may, when some customers became bawdy and drew too close for comfort. Suddenly, before she could react, a customer sitting near the stage, jumped up from his place with wads of money and grabbed her from behind and started gyrating with her, holding her tightly in his grasp. It’s not as if it hadn’t happened to her before, but the ferocity with which this was happening was a first for her and his lascivious gaze was de- robing her even as his hands were roughly all over her squeezing and clutching.  She threw beseeching glances at the manager who was watching the drama, but he had eyes only for the money that was floating in the air. She looked around for help, but no one came to her rescue. The bar was drowned in high spirits, glazed looks and dim lights. She struggled to free herself and was horrified when he bit on her neck from behind. She gagged and was about to throw up when she suddenly found herself free from his clutches. Her regular customer had climbed on the stage and grabbed the man off her. With tears swimming in her eyes, she thanked him profusely and ran inside, shaken to the core. Her colleagues who were back stage, led her to the makeshift green room, sat her down and made her drink a glass of water. Shaking and shivering, she wrapped the shawl around herself which someone had kindly put on her shoulders.  After a while, the shivers subsided and she leaned back on the chair Unshed tears were burning her closed eyes. She shuddered involuntarily as the horrific incident again played out in her mind. She wanted to cry at her situation, the helpless feeling that engulfed her, the depravity of it all. She stood dizzily on her feet and in spite of her colleagues imploring her to rest, she walked in slow unsteady steps out of the bar. *** The alarm blared harshly through the silence of the night. Rani’s eyes flew open and she blinked in confusion. Where was she? She looked around and saw the familiar things, her books stacked on the bedside table, her treasured paintings hanging on the wall opposite her bed, her clothes neatly stacked up on the armchair for her to wear to school.....ohhhh!  She had been dreaming!!  Ohhh! the blasted relief!!  Thank God it had been just a dream. She was no longer living that life. That nightmare was in the past. Today was Thursday. An important day in school. Results of the half-yearly’s conducted fifteen days back had to be announced and the merit-holders awarded with certificates. She rubbed her eyes and sat up. She could hear the everyday sounds of breakfast getting ready in the kitchen. Her hammering heart slowed down. Her pulse returned to normal. Taking a deep breath, she got up to start her day.  “Are you ready, Mom?” Devi asked as she entered Rani’s room. “Yes, almost done,” smiled Rani. “Let’s have breakfast.” This was one meal they both enjoyed together. They talked, discussed their schedule for the day and exchanged easy banter. Today was no exception. Except, Rani could not thank the Almighty enough for rescuing her from the wretched existence of a bar girl. “Maate, I have been thinking...about what you said yesterday? Yes, it’s high time I take a break ....when are your school vacations? I too will apply for leave then and let’s go visit the grandparents!!” Rani’s cup overflowed with happiness. Devi looked at her in amusement. It took so little to make her mother happy. She should make it happen more often. After all, her mother deserved all the happiness in the world. She had pushed the envelope when she was at her lowest, so wasn’t it now up to her now to make her mother happy and erase that hint of sadness that she sometimes spied in her mother’s eyes? Picking up her stuff, she gestured towards her mother to leave. They waved goodbyes at the building’s gate as her mother got in her car and drove away to her school.  Humming to herself, Devi got in her hired cab just as it pulled up next to the kerb and opened her laptop to go over her drawings. _ *Maate-mother; an indulgent way of addressing your mother