The cheerful sun did nothing to lighten the misery inside the gloomy one-room set of the bustling chawl. Hriday squeezed his knees together, back upright against the scraped wall, and hands tightly crossed over the head making sure the screaming was blocked out. Once again Father’s job had bid adieu. It wasn’t anything new. He knew what would follow. Incessant screaming, shifting from decent houses to overcrowded dirty suburbs, and saying goodbye to school as the fee couldn’t be paid. “What’s with a job? It is not rocket science. If not this, I will find another one.” Father kept repeating it every time we packed. Ma’s pale face forced a smile, faking acceptance. I always caught the truth in her eyes—exhaustion of putting up with this man, my father.  “When on earth will you cook decently?” he sneered. “It is not rocket science! What else does this lazy head of yours have to do.” He breathed fire down Maa’s neck. I embraced her so tight that the fibers of her saree would tickle my nostrils. I believed this protected her. Every time father’s tone scaled new heights, my legs shivered and my stomach knotted in.  Bedtime was a turmoil. Tossing and turning awaiting Maa’s gentle caressing to transport me to my dreams. She would gently lay me down and begin to hum some odd unrecognizable tune till a monstrous hand snatched her away.  “Let the child fall asleep, please. He feels lonely.” The feeble pleading hardly made a difference. “He is big enough to fall asleep. It is not rocket science.” An angry monotone followed. A sharp jolt and Maa was gone.  I missed school. I missed friends. My name was struck off the school register. It was a dark day as I was turned away from the school gate. I stood watching my friends pass by towards the world of learning as I stood waiting for darkness and gloom to envelope me.  I kept meandering the roads, the school bag on my shoulders till it was time to go home. The school bag felt like a partner. Once home, I silently placed it in an unnoticeable corner. “Hriday? Hriday?......how was school today? Did you enjoy?” Maa’s assuring tone didn’t do much to assuage my sadness.  “Hmmmmm” was the only sound I managed. “Go on…..freshen up! Today I managed Maggi for you.” It was clear the Father was not home. When he wasn’t around, Maa would hum softly and there was a spring to her steps, an air of freedom. It was the absence of his cruddy disposition that was tranquilizing. Maa’s cheery disposition kept me from discussing anything about school despite her efforts to know more. With the cantankerous Father, I had lost the will to communicate. For him, I was non-existent. Mostly occupying the floor at night with a worn-out mattress soaking my tears and comforting me from fears. Maa had her battles to fight. She always walked the extra mile to make life comfortable for me.  I was awake most of the night anticipating Father walking in any moment with a new irritant.  “It is not rocket science” I mumbled through clenched teeth and tightened fists as the speeding train flickered away. What do I feel for him? Fear? Anger? Nothing? These feelings became familiar from an early age.  Complications Nothing changed the following morning. He was back, though silent, probably asleep. I hated to come face-to-face with him early morning. For Maa’s peace of mind, I decided to let this be just another ordinary day. She rarely remembered when the fee was due. I went about finishing the morning chores, helping her in packing the tiffin. I draped the clean pair of uniform and left home.  “Keep him home now. He has learned enough at school. Let him do some chores around. What the school is teaching, it is not rocket science.” the crude words fell in my ears but along with the door, I shut him off too.  The din of the chawl doused the effect of his words on me. I hastened towards the school which was a half-hour walk for me.  This was always the best part of the day. I loved to notice people and think of how everyone had a story back home. Maybe some were like me too.  Avoiding potholes yet tinkering at pebbles with the shoes, I enjoyed this getaway. I could see the school from a distance as my pace slowed. Tears rose up as I saw many of my friends walking in while I chose to take the bench in the park opposite. Once the cacophony settled, I walked to the gate and continued peering from a side. The longing to be on the other side rose and settled like tides on a full moon night. Too scared to be noticed, I walked around the campus rolling my hands over the iron railing. Hoping to catch a story or a new character or the sound of the teacher from somewhere. The clock on the school tower reminded me that it was lunch hour as did the fervently running children. After feasting on the parathas in the tiffin, I walked to the gate again and repeated the morning drill. Once again, the clock reminded me that it was time to walk back home. So, I did.  Nothing had changed at home. When I entered, Father was going through another of his shouting sprees with Maa stifled in the kitchen corner, her saree pallu absorbing the sobs and pain. For many days to come, this became a comforting routine for me. Gradually an uncanny sense of adventure and confidence took over. My circle widened to a group of rag pickers seeking solace under shady trees at my lunch spot, the park. I began journalling each adventure-filled day.  “Looks like you have befriended the books at school.” Maa giggled one afternoon on my return. “Hmmmm” was the only response. “Dear Hriday, you are getting quieter by the day. You must have so much to talk about son. Go ahead, share.” Maa pleaded earnestly. My head shook vigorously with an, “Ok” and I retreated to my corner. “Father has been looking for a job ardently. I’m sure there will be good news soon. I will treat you to delectable egg-bhurji and pau.” She continued in feverish excitement. “Of-course. After all, it is not rocket science. Hmmmm!” I chided. Maa responded with a playful snub. The joyous banter was interrupted by a sudden thud. The rickety door swung open, uncomfortable on the loose hinges. Father wavered his way in. “Get out of my way urchin…..” his tattered shoe hit me hard on the back.” “Please……..let him be.” Maa’s hands folded to save me. The man was relentless. With nothing else to save me, she stood in his way as his fist ferociously threatened her in the face. “Please…..please…..spare him” The fist retreated but the mouth was let loose. Choicest abuses were menacingly served. I sat curved in, as close as I could get to the concrete wall. Trying my best to save my soul from the verbal apocalypse.  Maa stood erect as a concrete pillar certain to be my shield. The poor soul did not realize that she could shield me from physical harm but what about the emotional harm? How could I escape that?  “This urchin…… growing at the speed of lightning and so are his needs…….” The menacing voice lunged back and forth. And then it was her turn. “You too…everyday something new.” He screamed “Isn't the basic enough for you that you want to cook up delicacies?” He continued. “God! If you exist somewhere near…please let this be over soon.” My numb fingers curled together. The screaming, cursing, and irritation continued for a long time and settled only after a couple of utensils were thrown around and a few others broken. Dawn  I wouldn’t have been happier at dawn. It was time for my regime. I wanted to leave home before the rocket scientist woke up. After last night I hated him more than he hated me. As soon as the rooster bellowed in the compound I jolted from the comfort of the battered mattress. I dressed and left home much before Maa woke up. That was the plan. There was nothing much to say. My mind was bamboozled. I was desperate for a way out.  Today I opted for the longer route to school. The hullabaloo in the park caught my attention. A lively clamour arose. The colorful balloons and festooned arches changed the ruffian look of the park. My rag-picker friends were neatly stacked onto the benches with plates full of attractive food. A dainty hand led me to another bench and soon an equally attractive plate of food was thrust into my hand. It was unbelievable. The food looked too good to be true. “C’mon children eat up. It’s Christmas week, we are celebrating Jesus.” Cheerful voices rang through. Something inside me stirred as I looked at the rag-picking bunch.  “I'm not them.” A strong inner voice called. “I love books. I yearn to be educated.” Pushing the plate aside, I walked upto the gentle-looking old man. “Sir! I want to go to school.” I pointed in the direction of the school gate.  “What is stopping you my dear?” the soft voice spoke back.  “I can’t. The fee hasn’t been paid because I do not have a Father.” A sly lie had to be incorporated. In any case, there was no undying bond of love with him. I would rather eliminate him from my life. “Tell me more.” He edged. By the time I finished narrating the story of the last few months, we stood at the school gate. “I’m the Director of the school. I will definitely give you this opportunity. But I need to meet your Mother first. Go home now and come back with her tomorrow.” “Really! Sir……you would let me return to the school?” My knees shivered again, but this time in excitement. I was gaping at him as he smiled back. “Now. Go on.” There was no time to waste. Waving to the rag-pickers, I hustled on. Their presence was an awakening for me.  I didn’t run but dashed home,  secretly wishing the monster wasn’t home.   The door opened before I lunged forward to open it. It was Maa. She looked shaken on seeing me panting furiously and drenched in sweat. Pulling me into her embrace, she said.” Where have you been Hriday?” I have probably thought of only the worst that could happen to you” She was on the verge of tears as she continued, “Why didn’t you wake me when you left for school?” Lifting my hands to wipe off her tears, I whispered, “Is Father around.” As she nodded in a stiff no, I closed the door behind me and pulled her closer. “Maa…..please say Yes to what I’m going to ask for?”  “Of course. I will. At the most, you will ask for Maggi.” She continued her tearful laugh. “No Maa, it’s not Maggi. I’m asking your permission to go to school.” The statement left her flabbergasted. “What? My dear, Aren’t you already going to school? Is it time for fee payment? I am trying to find work in the neighbourhood. A couple of houses where I can wash clothes and utensils.” She declared. “No Maa….No….you don’t have to do this for me. Your prayers have led me to a fine gentleman who turned out to be the director of my school.” I met him today at the Christmas celebration outside the school Outside the school? Weren’t you inside? When is the next fee payment due? Have you been sitting out of the school all these days? She collapsed with her hands on her head. I rushed to hug her, console her. “Maa. The last fee cycle ended the day we moved here. They turned me out of school. I continued to walk to school in the hope of a miracle. I felt close to my books and education when I was there. Please I'm really really sorry. But things were so bad here that I just wished to disappear. Walking to school helped me overcome the fear.” By the time I finished narrating the incidents of the past few days, Maa’s saree pallu was dripping as the tears overflowed, as helpless as her. “You have to accompany me to school tomorrow to assure the Director that I'm telling the truth.” I continued speaking as she stroked my hair affectionately, blinded by tears. “Stop crying Maa” I held both her hands and kissed them. I knew how hard she struggled in the circumstances. “This is my chance, Maa. Not just for myself but for both of us.” Her sobs ceased and resolve emerged like an unexpected rainbow through the storm. “Of course, I will. I owe this to you.” Life Changes Anxiety and excitement played alternatively inside as I tossed and turned seeking comfort from my mattress. Sleep seemed miles away as I awaited the first light of dawn desperately. The rooster was never late and I jumped at its earnest alarm. Peeping into the lone room, I could see Maa twitch. She silently tip-toed out. Putting in extra effort in dressing today was the need of the hour. She straightened out the creases rubbing her hands hard on the uniform. The saree pallu became the shoe shine. Finally, she smuggled out Father’s hair oil to add a few drops to my hair. We were ready to step out. “Maa, he doesn’t care about me but what will you say.” He is sure to find out that you are missing.” I was worried. “I will manage some excuse on my way back. Don’t worry. Free your mind and think only about the possibilities.” I had never felt so much determination. We sneaked out. The feeling of crossing into the school compound filled me with energy and enthusiasm.  I led her to the office of the Director at the anterior of the school compound. The wait seemed eternal as I fidgeted on the shoes and twitched my fingers repeatedly. Maa noticed and said, “Relax Hriday, it will go very well. Who won't fall in love with that face?” A mother’s unquestioned love was evident on her face. Oncoming heavy footsteps brought in relief and I stopped fidgeting. The kind old man appeared with the walking stick click-clacking on the tiled floor. I rushed and bent to touch his feet.  “God bless you, child.” The compassion in his voice was comforting. “This is Maa” I pointed towards her. She stood with folded hands and head slightly bent. Unexpectedly she stepped forward to touch his feet too, “Sir, please take him under your wing. Else he will get ruined in the chaos of domestic troubles.”  I felt the warmth in my eyes. “Please. You are a mother, your place is on a pedestal not at the feet of a mere mortal. Don’t worry. I have given my word to the boy. His education in this school is free. When he is ready to pass out, he shall be helped in seeking employment and guidance for future studies if he wishes to at that time.” He continued in a defining tone. “I will never stop studying Sir. I want to study all my life.” I quirked.  “You will definitely. With this resolve, nothing can stop you. You stay and let your mother head back.” He continued. I touched Maa’s feet and waited for her blessings. They came in the form of tears falling on my hands and my head. Yes! I was blessed.  “I will change our life Maa. It is my promise to you.” She walked away as I turned towards the classroom to begin the next phase of my life. Years later I had been away from home for a long five years. It was now time to return. Maa had kept in touch through the small mobile I gifted her. She had smuggled it home and God knows how she had kept it hidden from Father. Nothing had changed for him except that age had weakened his shouting prowess. He had hardly been employed all these years. Maa was cooking and cleaning in people’s houses to make ends meet. But today everything would change. The crisp khaki complemented my build, I was told so by Director Sir, my messiah. The white gypsy with the whirring headlight was silent as it stealthily made its way into the compound. I rushed up the stairs. As always, the door opened even before I tapped. There stood Maa, age peeping out of her hair, skin, and posture. As I bent down to touch her feet, a loud slang followed. “Will I ever be cared for in this house you woman?” Maa closed my ears with her palms. I walked past that and into the room where the monster lounged. “Will you ever stop the cursing old man? It is not rocket science.” Maa stood fazed unable to believe what had just happened! Someone had stood for her and spoken for her dignity. Placing my arms around her shoulders, it was time to walk out of this hell forever.   Penmancy gets a small share of every purchase you make through these links, and every little helps us continue bringing you the reads you love!